Chapter 30: The Dream Has Awakened

Chapter 30: The Dream Has Awakened

We did not take a taxi back from the small stone bridge; instead, the three of us walked along the road as light snow drifted down. Li Xiaoya seemed to be in high spirits, curiously asking about this and pointing at that. Su Xuefei answered her with great patience, even though she was merely a traveler from out of town herself. Whenever the goddess encountered something she couldn’t explain, she would toss the question to me, leaving me to provide the final answer.

Walking on the soft snow, my mood calmed significantly. I was able to briefly escape the agony of my heartbreak. Perhaps God still had some affection for me, at least in that there was someone by my side when I was sad and lonely. How many people in this world are trapped by love and wounded by affection, left to drown in their own solitude?

Occasionally, when we passed shops selling snacks, Su Xuefei would thoughtfully buy some for Li Xiaoya. In this, Su Xuefei and I were surprisingly alike—neither of us cared for snacks. Though our reasons differed—hers was simply habit, while mine was a lack of interest in such trifles.

The afternoon passed leisurely. Yang Xiaoyu called me several times, but I only answered the first, telling her I wouldn't be returning today. I ignored the subsequent calls.

By evening, I suggested we go out for hot pot. Su Xuefei had no objections, and naturally, Li Xiaoya agreed unconditionally.

At the restaurant, we ordered two plates of beef and an assortment of vegetables, officially beginning a meal that felt like it carried no specific meaning—perhaps we just wanted to eat together.

Halfway through, I ordered a bag of beer, feeling that eating without it was dull. I feigned a casual offer to Su Xuefei, asking if she wanted a bottle to taste. The goddess completely ignored my provocation, continuing to eat the cooked beef slice by slice.

Throughout the meal, I barely ate, but the beer went down quickly, and I smoked quite a bit. Su Xuefei, sitting beside me, glared at me repeatedly, but I pretended to be indifferent and went my own way. In truth, I knew my smoking was harmful to her, but I couldn't control my emotions. All I could do was turn on the electric fan and try to stay as far away from her and Xiaoya as possible.

I left the hot pot restaurant feeling somewhat dazed. I stood by the door, continuing to smoke as I stared at the overcast sky. Without a single star in sight, my mood grew even more melancholic.

I was leaving soon. I had spent nearly six years in this city, and it was time to give up on my dreams, for I had lost my goal. The only thing I was struggling with was whether to tell Sister Shi Yu and Zhao Kewen that I was leaving. They had both taken such good care of me, and it felt wrong to vanish without a word. Was a silent farewell truly the right way?

Before long, Su Xuefei and Li Xiaoya walked out holding hands. The three of us wandered again along the seemingly endless road, without purpose or direction, taking one step at a time. Perhaps this was what could be called a real stroll.

"It's getting late. You two should head back to the hotel to rest," I said, glancing at my phone. It was past nine o'clock—time for a "good girl" like the goddess to be resting.

"Where are you going?" Su Xuefei asked, sounding displeased, as if she felt I was driving her away.

"I'm going back to sleep, too. I've had some alcohol, and the drowsiness is setting in," I replied calmly. I took out my wallet, preparing to hail a cab for them. My mood had shifted so many times that day—shattered and then healed—and I felt a fatigue I had never known before. I felt as if I were on the verge of collapse; my heart was exhausted.

"Alright then... do you plan on leaving tomorrow?" Su Xuefei stood beside me, looking at me as she asked.

I nodded. Yes, the sooner the better. If I didn't need the sleep, I would have bought my ticket right then and there.

"Call me before you leave so I can prepare," Su Xuefei said, gently brushing her long hair behind her ear. She hesitated, then added, "You aren't going to leave me and Xiaoya behind and run off secretly, are you?"

Looking into her pitiful eyes, I suddenly felt like a scoundrel contemplating abandoning his wife—even though I had indeed planned to sneak away alone. After all, what would become of Su Xuefei if she followed me?

But since she had seen through my thoughts, I could only nod and brace myself, thinking that for them, this was just a trip; they could leave whenever they had their fill of fun. They wouldn't be a burden; I only hoped they wouldn't be too disappointed in my hometown when the time came.

After seeing them off, I stood alone at the snowy intersection, savoring the cold and the loneliness. This was how I felt when I first arrived, and now that I was leaving, I was still the same. No growth, no change, no confident career to speak of, and certainly none of the love I had always longed for.

I laughed at myself, took out my phone, and dialed the number I knew best but called the least.

The ringtone faded, and no one answered. I moved my stiff, frozen body slightly and dialed again, but after a long wait, there was still no answer.

I felt like a madman, calling Luo Qing’s number over and over. It wasn't to beg for anything, but to offer a final farewell. Perhaps, deep down, I didn't resent her. Her coldness was merely the inevitable result of the gap in our status... I didn't hate her; I just wanted to wish her well one last time before I left.

Finally, after my persistent efforts, the call was answered. I paused for a moment and whispered, "Luo Qing?"

"Say what you have to say, I'm sleeping!" Luo Qing sounded as if she had been rudely awakened, her tone sharp.

"Do you have a moment? I want to return your bank card," I said. It was something I had just remembered; the card with the massive balance was still in my wallet. Now that our relationship was over and I was leaving, I shouldn't keep such tokens.

"Keep it. I don't need it," she replied. She fell silent for a moment before refusing, but her tone wasn't as cold as before. I could even sense a trace of sadness in her voice.

"I don't need anyone's charity. If you don't have time, just give me another account number, and I'll transfer the money."

Hearing that I was dead set on returning the money, Luo Qing was silent for a long time. Finally, she asked, "Where are you now?"

I bought another pack of cigarettes from a nearby shop and stood under a dim streetlamp, smoking one after another. I didn't know what kind of feeling I held while waiting for her—was it sorrow or disappointment? Was I waiting to be saved or to be tortured further?

Looking up at the vast expanse of white snowflakes, I exhaled a thick cloud of smoke. Despair? A sigh? But what did it matter... what could I change? What right did I have to change this preordained fate? The world is both fair and unfair. Perhaps you can be happier than the rich despite your poverty; perhaps that is the world’s compensation for your hardship. But love is different; there is no fairness or logic to be found. A loser is a loser, without reason and without the right to complain.

Twenty minutes later, a taxi pulled up in front of me. Luo Qing, wearing a red down jacket, paid the driver and stepped out.

Walking up to me, she gave me a cold, indifferent look and held out her hand. "Since you're so anxious to return it, give it here. It'll save you from feeling uneasy."

Looking at Luo Qing, who remained as beautiful and noble as ever, I smiled bitterly. I gently placed the bank card in her hand and whispered, "This is truly goodbye, Luo Qing. Thank you for being by my side for so long... We won't see each other again, I suppose. Let me be a bit dashing for once, play the hero... Let us... from this moment on, forget each other in the vastness of the world."

Luo Qing watched me silently. For a long time, she didn't pull her hand back. "Yang Chen, what do you mean by that?"

I shook my head, not intending to explain. It was over between us—completely, utterly over.

I looked intently into her puzzled eyes and smiled faintly. "Of all the girls I've ever met, you are still the most beautiful."

The confusion in her eyes deepened. She raised her voice slightly. "What exactly do you mean? Speak clearly!"

"At this point, does the meaning even matter?" I smiled bitterly. Suddenly remembering something, I took out my apartment key and placed it in her hand, which she still hadn't withdrawn. "This is the key to the small rental apartment. When you have time, move out the furniture and anything else—it's all yours anyway. No one will live there anymore. Once you've moved your things, just return the key to the landlord. Consider it a small favor for me."

"You're leaving?" Luo Qing seemed to realize something, staring into my eyes. "Where to?"

"I'm leaving Yichun tomorrow. Unless something unexpected happens, I’ll never be back." I held her soft, fair hand and pressed the card and key into her palm. "In movies, people usually say something pretentious like, 'We're still friends, right?' but I don't think you need a friend like me... Luo Qing, thank you for appearing in my life. Never see you again."

After saying that, I ran in the opposite direction like a madman. It was over... it was all fucking over.

I sprinted aimlessly for a long time before slowly coming to a stop. Tears had long since frozen on my cheeks, without me even knowing when they had fallen.