Chapter 16: Love Me Once More

I lay on my side, gently wrapping my arms around Zhang Jiaxin’s smooth, firm back. My fingers traced slowly over her skin, occasionally brushing against the faint, lingering scars that marked her body.

"Stop that, it tickles..." Zhang Jiaxin chuckled, shifting her body slightly before tucking herself deeper into my embrace.

I could no longer summon a smile. I whispered to her, "Xiaoxin, put your clothes back on. You’ll catch a cold."

"Mm."

We rose together, and she quickly pulled on the little wool sweater that had been stretched out of shape during our earlier struggle.

"Let’s go to sleep," Zhang Jiaxin said, rubbing her beautiful, wide eyes and yawning at me. "Don't you have to go back to the cold drink shop tomorrow? You won't have any energy if you don't rest."

I pulled out my phone to check the time; the black digits stood out starkly against the bright screen.

Looking at the late hour, I let out a soft sigh. A dinner filled with both laughter and tears, the truth revealed through memories of the past—by the time everything was laid bare, it was already one in the morning. As she said, it was truly time to rest; otherwise, I would have to rely on Xiaoyu to handle the shop again tomorrow. I already owed her enough; I was determined not to be so shameless this time.

"Sleep. You’ve had a long day, too." I lay on my side next to Zhang Jiaxin, listening to her breathing gradually steady. I felt as though tonight had been filled with far too many unforeseen events: the enigmatic relationship between Zhang Chuang and Zhao Kewen, and Zhang Jiaxin’s regret over sacrificing her love for the sake of her family. Why did fate always love to play such sorrowful, infuriating jokes, letting everything once beautiful slowly erode and shatter in the long river of time?

We are, after all, mere servants in this world. No matter how hard you strive or struggle, you can never truly be the master of this life.

The more I tried to fall asleep, the more elusive rest became. In that desperate, anxious state, I realized I was suffering from insomnia.

I lay quietly on the bed, staring at the pitch-black, rough floor and the bare, undecorated walls. In the darkness, everything felt so hollow and alien—a sight that makes the down-and-out yearn for home and drives the homeless into despair.

Only when Zhang Jiaxin turned over did I have the chance to lie flat and stretch my limbs. Watching the heavy snow that seemed to have started falling again outside the window, my heart drifted back into confusion.

I didn't know what kind of feelings I held for the girl beside me. Was it love? It didn't seem so. Perhaps when I saw her hurt, I would want to seek vengeance or feel sorrow for her, but that wasn't the love of a lover; it was the concern of a dear, old friend.

Perhaps the love between Zhang Jiaxin and me had long been buried in the winds and snow of a past reincarnation, and we simply hadn't realized it yet.

Love is an incomplete book, without a prologue or an epilogue. Everything happens naturally, yet remains elusive. This night, she had untied the knot that had plagued her heart, and I had found the answer I sought. Perhaps, between her and me, this was the most perfect ending.

***

I stared quietly at the snow piling up on the eaves outside the window. There were no stars shining in the deep, dark night sky. I sighed softly and closed my eyes, but for some reason, the image of Luo Qing came to mind. I wondered if she was doing well, and if she had found the boy who truly belonged with her.

The abrupt end between Luo Qing and me was something I couldn't accept, yet I could fully understand. With great wealth and status, one must always account for social standing. She was the daughter of a tycoon; what was I? Nothing more than a frog on the bank, searching for insects to fill its belly. But this frog could never become a prince, for we were not living in a fairy tale.

In a drowsy haze, sleep finally began to pull at me. I yawned, secretly relieved that I hadn't spent the entire oppressive night suffering from insomnia.

"Ah!" A low but distinct sound suddenly drifted from the room next door—the cry of a woman in the throes of passion.

"Damn it," I cursed under my breath, immediately understanding what was happening next door. What time was it? To be doing that now—were they crazy?

But the woman’s cries did not fade because of my internal curses; instead, they grew more intense.

Listening to the heartbreaking, soul-stirring moans from next door, I turned on my side and covered my ears with both hands, yet I could not block out the sound, heavy with temptation and longing.

Just as I was doing my best to drown out the noise, I realized that Zhang Jiaxin’s breathing had also begun to grow hurried.

No way... I turned my head to look at her. Only by looking closely could I see that her long eyelashes seemed to be trembling slightly. Had she been awakened by the sounds of the couple? Or had she never been asleep at all?

As I scrutinized the subtle signs on her face, Zhang Jiaxin suddenly opened her eyes. She looked at me with tender affection and whispered softly, "Yang Chen... I can't sleep..."

Hearing her gentle voice, I felt a sense of helplessness. Listening to that racket, it would be strange if anyone could sleep.

"I’m going to knock on the wall. This couple is going too far," I said, preparing to get up and "disturb" them. Don't they know they're being a nuisance?

But before I could move, Zhang Jiaxin’s small hand caught me, and she pressed her body against mine. I could clearly feel that she was burning up, as if the sounds of desire next door had ignited a spark of yearning within her.

"Yang Chen, in these lonely nights, do you ever think of me?" Her body was pressed entirely against mine, one hand resting on my chest.

Her eyes were clouded with emotion, and her tone carried a faint, teasing quality. This simple question struck hard at my internal defenses, nearly causing me to lose myself in the sweetness of the night.

I didn't speak. I shook my head, shifting to the very edge of the bed; any further, and I would fall off.

Seeing my head shake, Zhang Jiaxin didn't seem disappointed. Instead, she smiled, rested her chin on my shoulder, and stared into my eyes from inches away. "I know you have the young heiress by your side, so naturally, you wouldn't think of me... But in this past year, I have always thought of you. I miss your scent, your taste, and the feeling of us being together..."

Her words were so seductive that my fragile heart began to melt, and the blood in my veins grew hot. I felt my body becoming restless, hovering on the brink of losing control.

"Xiaoxin... calm down. We aren't lovers anymore. You are an independent woman; you have to be responsible for yourself and think about the future." I pushed her away gently, but she held onto me tightly, making it impossible to break free.

***

"Of course I know that..." Her voice carried a hint of resentment, but it was no longer as aggressive as before. "A year ago, I realized a truth: the person I love may not necessarily be my boyfriend, but if it is Yang Chen, then he is undoubtedly the one I love."

I fell silent, not knowing how to persuade her. Meanwhile, the sounds from the room next door grew more intense, reaching their climax.

"Yang Chen, I won't pester you anymore in the future. I will start to find my own life... But before that... love me one last time, will you?"

Her soft, smiling voice finally ignited a fire I could no longer suppress. As the sounds next door reached their conclusion, I pressed Zhang Jiaxin down, kissing her lips wildly, my hands roaming over her body to reclaim that familiar feeling.

In her soft, joyful gaze, I tore at her clothes, desperate to possess her completely.

We spend so much of our lives working and playing, but in these fleeting years, how much time is truly given to love? And what does the love that truly lives inside us really look like? Is it the innocent first love when we knew nothing, the mad, passionate love of growing up, or the marital bond of building a family?

To be driven mad by an impulse, to possess for the sake of a reason... what does such behavior even count for?

I looked into her passionate eyes, but then I stopped. In her confused gaze, I gently straightened her messy clothes.

"What... is wrong?" She sat up, looking down at me as I turned over and lay quietly on the bed.

"I'm sorry... Xiaoxin... we cannot keep making mistakes. If we continue, it will only result in crueler pain—for me, and even more so for you." I looked at the pitch-black ceiling, where two or three slivers of moonlight were cast. My voice was calm. "We both have more brilliant lives to lead. Only by having expectations can we harvest happiness. Let the past be the past; all love and sorrow will eventually dissipate into the shadows of time, won't they?"

Zhang Jiaxin listened quietly until I finished, her gentle gaze resting steadily on my eyes. Then, she leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth like a dragonfly skimming water, tapping the center of my lips with her finger.

"Actually, you're right. I can't let go simply because I don't want to... I can't forget everything you once gave me, and I certainly can't forget those wild, joy-filled days." She smiled, but it was different from all her previous smiles—it was an expression from the depths of her heart. Perhaps it was happiness, perhaps a blessing. The smile was truly mesmerizing and beautiful.

"Yang Chen, in the lives we lead without each other, we must both move forward with effort. When you're tired, think of me..." A teardrop finally hung from the corner of her eye, crystal clear in the moonlight. "No matter when, she is there, and I am right here."

Feeling her warm, soft finger against my lips, I slowly raised my hand and gently pressed my finger to the corner of her mouth.

"Me too."